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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in anything but mariella's LiveJournal:

    [ << Previous 20 ]
    Saturday, October 31st, 2009
    12:14 pm
    i miss dave
    so much i want to die
    a phone call is just not enough at this point .
    Friday, September 11th, 2009
    4:41 pm
    o man
    so bff is in prison
    cindy and i are getting him out
    shits rough
    Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009
    2:29 am
    wow
    this has been the summer from hell.
    Tuesday, July 14th, 2009
    9:48 am
    ..well your never gonna find it if your looking for it, wont come your way ....
    one day i will learn
    but until then i will keep getting fucked over
    please god help me .
    Friday, July 10th, 2009
    2:28 am
    should have done something,but iv done it enough
    what is going onn?!!?
    everything is crazier then ever ,like woah .
    my bands ep release is tomorrow
    ohbaby
    p.s. i kiss the world
    Saturday, June 13th, 2009
    1:24 am
    40 days and for 40 nights i haven't seen a ghost
    iv decided
    i really fucking hate it when people take advantage of me
    and it happens all the time
    Friday, June 5th, 2009
    1:18 am
    motherfucker im ill
    so iv basically been hurt from all angles
    by many people
    but at least i know who my real friends are
    i hung out with carmine today
    and went to a practice for stripes are for lions
    i really enjoyed it
    i really love working with other bands
    and Carmine is just a really fantastic guy
    like wow
    Sunday, May 24th, 2009
    11:24 pm
    so levi decided he doesnt want to date
    which is good sort of because i was going to tell him i didnt think i wanted to date anyone right now
    i really like him though
    and i feel stupid about all this
    becuase im hurting
    over so many things right now
    and i just want someone to be there for me
    it would have been great if he could have just been there
    Wednesday, May 20th, 2009
    1:22 am
    Im so sick...
    of liking someone ,who could give a shit less
    who i still cant be up to par to
    who i probably wont ever impress
    and iv tried so hard to
    and who pretty much lies to me everytime about it
    im not an idiot
    im not a valley girl who will keep chasing after you
    im not dumb , or cute,or blonde , i dont make sure i have pretty beachy curly hair ,or wear cute cloths for you , im not pretty all the time ,or HAPPY ALL THE TIME,OR FAKE ,im not a barbie,i can't be that
    bottom line im not what you thought ,and im not what your looking for
    so how about you just give it up and tell me already
    i have flaws ,and if thats the reason you don't want to date me
    then do me the favor and don't
    Monday, May 11th, 2009
    11:59 am
    i want to be done with school
    i have 2 finals today and a make up test and im handing in a paper
    i have one final tomorrow
    and im handing in another paper between then and thursday
    i have work tomorrow and wednesday
    i am
    exhausted cause i closed last night
    i miss my friends
    i miss ginatorimary
    alot
    i miss having someone to hug
    and kiss
    and make things for
    and give presents to
    i miss warmth
    Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
    1:31 pm
    wawwaaaaaaaaawaaaaaaawaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
    im sick of talking about the same bullshit
    i wish i didnt care about anyone but myself that would totally help me out
    doing what i want
    that would be awesome

    i have this conversation with Marcel very often
    that if everyone just lived for themselves
    and did what they wanted
    not to impress others
    or to one up others
    or anything for anyone else
    just self improvement and helpful tasks
    and to help others because they wanted to
    it would make life so much easier and many people would be so much happier then they are now

    however
    this cant happen
    we all have to do things we dont want to do
    i just have to do alot of them

    im so tired of being alone
    Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
    12:10 am
    Sunday, April 12th, 2009
    2:00 pm
    out of the island and on to the high way
    my life has been not good lately
    and now i have many papers due
    im confused about everything
    i just feel weird,and vibeless
    and i really miss my old life
    and i need a god damn normal boy around this place
    NORMAL
    Tuesday, March 24th, 2009
    11:03 pm
    our hearts littering the top soil
    i am totally faithless
    its what we call ...expecting a let down
    Monday, March 9th, 2009
    1:18 am
    im not sure why
    im really content right now
    my life is a mess.
    Saturday, February 28th, 2009
    4:17 pm
    i want...
    to get better
    so i can eat foods
    such as:

    pizza
    boston market
    tacos
    chipotle
    meatball parm
    jd chicken
    steak
    any vegetable
    squash
    chocolate
    cereal

    i also would really ike to be able to drink....

    coffee
    tea
    shirley temples
    lemonade
    vodka
    malibu
    mike's hard

    o and i would also prefer drinking them out of cups
    not out of straws

    i miss my friends because i have not seen them in a week
    cindy<3levi<3justin<3adam<3jack<3lauren(who is home from college with dylan)<3MIKE<3imissyouallsofuckingmuch

    Current Mood: angry
    Wednesday, February 25th, 2009
    1:40 pm
    : (
    im sick
    and im sad
    mostly because my mouth is the swollen
    massive cold sores of death
    that have erupted from a fever and a swollen gland i had

    im on antibiotics
    and crap for the sores

    i can barely drink or eat
    we might have to cancel the show ...
    Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
    2:57 am
    i officially
    have no fucking idea what im doing
    no idea!
    i know who i love
    who i dont
    who my real friends are
    i know who loves me
    who likes me
    and who just plain wants me (which is strange as hell)

    but i dont know what i....am...doing....
    i know what i should do
    but i am so caught up
    i cannot

    i miss him.
    Tuesday, February 3rd, 2009
    2:49 am
    ..if i could breath in your air...
    i hung out with mike today
    i was happy
    i miss him so much
    Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
    1:10 am
    ...many funerals..
    i cannot understand myself anymore

    you know when you first see someone
    and for some reason you just know you want them in your life
    you dont know how , or why,or what role they will play
    but you just know you want them there

    well thats how iv felt about this one person since iv known them
    and iv been totally ignoring it
    pretending it wasnt there and that i didnt feel that way
    i didnt want to drag them down or anything

    but recently i came to grips with the fact that this person matters
    and im just hoping that maybe ...
    maybe i matter to them too

    only because i cannot be hurt or let down again
    its all to much at this point

    but i havent felt strongly about something like this
    for a long time
    where i was completly decided
    with out a doubt
    certain

    this doesnt mean things will be different
    because chances are they won't
    iv been in love with the same person for years
    and that won't ever change
    no matter how they feel about me

    but perhaps there is some hope left after all
    something fresh
    i just cant get too high up
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